An imaginary conversation between two giants of tennis—with nothing to do. Must read!

(Source: Jason Gay /Wall Street Journal)

***

FED: Rafa?

RAFA: Who is this?

FED: It is me, Rafa.

RAFA: Roger?!

FED: Yes. It is Roger calling.

RAFA: Oh, Roger. I saw. You are out at Wimbledon, too. That made me sad, Roger. If not for me, I always root for you.

FED: I am the same, Rafa, I was sad to see you depart so early.

RAFA: What are you doing now?

FED: Nothing. I’m so bored, Rafa. Bored, bored, bored.

RAFA: Me, too.

FED: This morning, I folded all my bandanas.

RAFA: I folded all my bandanas, too!

FED: So many bandanas.

RAFA: Yes. So many bandanas.

FED: Tell me, Rafa: What do people do when they lose this early?

RAFA: It’s brutal. You have to stay away from the TV. No tennis highlights.

FED: Ugh. I know. I watch other sports. Tell me something: Who is Tebow?

RAFA: Tebow? I believe he plays cricket.

FED: But you’re not sure.

RAFA: No.

FED: There sure is a lot about news about Tebow.

RAFA: We were supposed to meet, Roger. Everyone expected us. There was so much excitement.

FED: Yes. In the quarterfinals. I thought it was cheesy, Rafa. Like having the Stones open up for Maroon 5. Sort of an insult, no?

RAFA: Perhaps, Roger. We have so many great memories at Wimbledon. Three finals.

FED: Yes. I won two.

RAFA: True. But I won the last one. The one everyone remembers.

(silence)

RAFA: Roger? Roger?

(silence)

RAFA: Roger?

FED: I remember, Rafa. That final was hard for me. I relive it many times. I still see us in the twilight. You biting the trophy. Me holding that crummy plate.

RAFA: I am sorry, Roger.

FED: Rafa, what did you do last year?

RAFA: Say that again?

FED: Last year. What did you do, when you lost. Second round. To Lukas Rosol.

RAFA: Phew. That was tough. I took some time off.

FED: You took a long time off, Rafa. No Open. No Australia. Not even Shanghai Rolex Masters.

RAFA: True. But when I came back, I won pretty much everything.

FED: You did win pretty much everything. You looked amazing, Rafa. But now this.

RAFA: “This.” You make it sound so horrible.

FED: It is horrible. Rafa, this does not happen to Roger. It hasn’t happened in so many years.

RAFA: You sound embarrassed.

FED: I’m not embarrassed. I have won 17 Grand Slams, Rafa.

RAFA: I have won 12, Roger. And I am only 27.

FED: Well who do you like to win Wimbledon now?

RAFA: We must cheer for Andy, Roger.

FED: Yes, Andy. Andy would be good. It would be sweet. A great story.

RAFA: Poetic.

FED: Good for tennis.

RAFA: Yes. Good for tennis.

FED: Of course, had I won, it would also be good for tennis.

RAFA: What about Nole, Roger? What if Nole won?

(Silence)

RAFA: Roger?

FED: I am sorry. Did you say something? I was looking for my pet owl’s scarf.

RAFA: No, forget it. Nothing. Roger, do you ever think it is going to end?

FED: Don’t say that, Rafa. There are many journeys left. Many finals. Many more trophies.

RAFA: I hope so. I loved those days.

FED: Rafa, l need to ask you something.

RAFA: Yes, Roger?

FED: Do you need any orange-soled Nike sneakers? Banned by Wimbledon. Never been worn. I have, like, a zillion pairs. They’re totally outrageous.

RAFA: Nah. I’m good with sneakers. I’m just bored.

FED: Me too. So, so bored.

RAFA: See you in New York, Roger.

FED: I hope so, Rafa.

RAFA: Under the lights.

FED: For everything.

RAFA; It would be good for tennis, Roger.

FED: Yes, Rafa. So good for tennis.